


I Never Wanted to Love You

by NoOneKnowsIWriteThis



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Alcohol, Ficlet, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, set after the season 4 finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 16:27:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14898003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoOneKnowsIWriteThis/pseuds/NoOneKnowsIWriteThis
Summary: Have you ever loved someone you shouldn't, Jadzia?





	I Never Wanted to Love You

Julian caught Jadzia’s attention as he sighed into his drink once again.

 

“Alright, Julian,” she said, leaning closer. “What’s bothering you this time?”

 

“Have you ever been in love with someone and known that it’s a terrible idea, and you shouldn’t express it because it can only end in disaster?” he asked miserably.

 

Jadzia reminded herself that Julian was clearly in no state to remember Lenara Kahn, and he would have no idea how deeply that question affected her. She quietly answered “Yes.”

 

Julian nodded; it was a bit more exaggerated than it would have been if he were sober. “Of course you do. Well, it’s awful and terrible, and I wish it would stop.”

 

“I’m afraid there’s not really anything for it,” Jadzia replied. “You just have to wait for the feelings to take their course. ...Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Julian shrugged. “I can’t tell you who it is,” he warned.

 

“That’s fine,” Jadzia said gently. “Sometimes talking about these things can help though.”

 

Julian looked at her, his eyes narrowed in a tipsy imitation of analysis. “You promise not to tell anyone about this?”

 

“I promise,” she answered solemnly.

 

“Well, firstly, I don't want to ruin the friendship if they're not interested. But even if they  _ are  _ they probably came to the same conclusion as I did.” Julian sighed glumly. “I don't want them to start avoiding me out of fear that I'll do something foolish.” Julian's gaze fell back to his drink as he muttered under his breath “Probably would, the stupid prick.”

 

Jadzia frowned sympathetically. “Julian, some of the best relationships come out of friendships.”

 

“I  _ know _ ,” he groaned. “If that was the only problem, we wouldn’t be here.” Julian paused, then sipped his drink before continuing. “I don't think he'd even  _ want _ to be in a relationship. He certainly would think it ill-advised...and he'd be right,” Julian moaned.

 

Jadzia silently noted the slip up in pronouns and filed that information away while continuing to listen to Julian, who had fallen fully into rambling now.

 

“He definitely doesn't trust me, and I don't trust him when you get down to it. Oh, I trust him in general, to act a certain way, but I don't trust him with my life.  _ Especially _ not after he-” Julian caught himself and busied his mouth with taking another drink.

 

Meanwhile, Jadzia had just pieced everything together. A male friend that didn't trust Julian, that Julian couldn't trust, who had just proven that he couldn't be trusted? There was only one possible match.

 

“Garak?” she asked, careful to keep her voice low and unlikely to be overheard.

 

Julian looked at her miserably, but he nodded.

 

Jadzia considered this. Garak being the object of Julian's affections certainly explained why the usually brash young man had been so coy about his feelings.

 

“What about Leeta?” Jadzia asked. Julian and Leeta had only recently broken up after all.

 

Julian shrugged. “We were only ever casual,” he replied, “but I think she suspected that I had feelings for someone else.” He took a long sip of his drink.

 

“Even after what happened on the Founders’ planet?” Jadzia had to know. Garak had tried to commit genocide, and he hadn't seemed terribly worried about Julian being collateral damage.

 

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” Julian replied with barely a touch of bitterness. “I  _ did  _ shoot him, so I suppose fair's fair.”

 

Jadzia frowned to herself and placed a reassuring hand on Julian's shoulder.

 

“It's been harder since he's been imprisoned for that,” Julian continued. “Now more than ever he needs a friend, support, and I...I can't be that friend. Not after what he's done, not now that I see so clearly who he is.”

 

“And who is he?” Jadzia prompted gently.

 

“He's willing to commit genocide if he thinks it will protect Cardassia. He's willing to risk the lives of my friends to save his own. I can't...I can't support that.”

 

Jadzia squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. “These feelings will pass eventually. It may take years, and there may be times when you think you're finally over them but something makes them flare up again. Eventually, these feelings will pass.” Jadzia smiled at Julian, which coaxed a small smile out of him in turn.

 

Jadzia knew from experience that moving on was not easy, but Julian would persevere, and his misplaced love would fade with time.


End file.
